Hollande victorious in France
Last night, in a shock move, new President-elect of France, François Hollande announced the “democratic annexation” of France to the Netherlands.
French voters went to the polls yesterday to elect a new president. With exit polls showing socialist challenger François Hollande to have a substantial lead over incumbent Nicolas Sarkozy, as the polling stations closed, President Sarkozy swiftly conceded defeat.
At his victory rally in Tulles, M. Hollande announced that from midnight France would come under the control of the government of the Netherlands, leaving the crowd stunned. With the first wave of Dutch troops pouring over the border, and beginning to secure key locations, the French armed forces surrendered on the orders of the new president.
By 5 o’clock this morning, Dutch forces were in Paris and François Hollande was signing the treaty of annexation with Dutch PM, Mark Rutte. With the Fifth Republic effectively at an end, barricades are already being built in the streets of Paris. Nicolas Sarkozy has declared a Sixth Republic and urged a stiff resistance from a bedroom in the house of Angela Merkel, where he is currently in exile.
The move, which increases the area of the Netherlands thirteen fold, has baffled political analysts and come as a complete surprise to military strategists. President of the European Commission José Manuel Barroso asked: “Why would the Netherlands do this? This is not the kind of increased European integration that we had hoped for.” Sir Mike Jackson, former head of the UK Armed Forces, commented on the military situation: “As surrenders go, this is fast even for France.”
Analysts are now turning to the question of what the Netherlands stands to gain from the acquisition. Fingers are being pointed to the massive trade deficit in cheese that Holland has with France. Dutch consumers have an insatiable appetite for French Camembert and Brie, but the notoriously picky French have no corresponding wish to purchase Edam. The dispute has been the subject of serious strife in the European Parliament and the Netherlands has clearly now felt forced to act.
Concerned Europe-watchers are now anxiously looking at other small European nations that might have an interest in subverting and dominating the larger states. Of particular concern is Greece, which could solve many of its problems with an annexation of Germany at the elections next year. The Vatican is also being closely monitored, in case it decides that theocracy is the solution to the problems that have bedevilled Italy in recent years. A Europe wide screening process for bogus candidates has already been suggested, and will surely meet with approval from many.
Although the initial surrender of France was swift, the barricades in the streets suggest that the legendary anger of the French people has been stirred. Expect a serious struggle for the future of France over the coming weeks.