Alas, my brothers! The UGM motions have been passed, and the apocalypse is nigh!

The evil emperor Ngwena and his equally (if not more) evil sidekick The Scarlett Terror have engineered the end of the world as we know it! Planes are falling from the sky! The dead are walking the earth! And finally, some student media don’t get the whopping budgets they were previously receiving!

Oh curse this UGM system and its evil proponents!

How will campus feel without stacks of unread newspapers piled high, blocking entrances and frightening the elderly? Perhaps fewer will have to be printed to knock down costs.

How will a particular newspaper cope at its Christmas party? Originally planning to subsidise its members’ tickets by £10 each with society funds, now it looks like they might have to dig deeper into Daddy’s pockets. The Four Horsemen ain’t got nothing on this!

And, dear readers, The Lemon Press will have to abandon its plans for world domination. No longer can we expect to keep our budget expanding… (well, maybe by a few thousand pounds…)

… Phew there we go Tim. Job done. Now how about that new office you promised us? Hmm?