Students welcome plans to saddle them with infinite debt
Students around the country have reacted favourably to the news that they may soon have to pay up to £10,000 annually in tuition fees. Inexplicably leaked parts of an independent report by the Government’s official higher education advisor Lord Browne reveal the prospective increase, which some working class students are already describing as “seriously reasonable”. Secretary of State for Business Vince Cable and Universities Minister David Willetts are said to favour a lower annual cap of £7,000, but recent polling shows this to be a less popular figure.
“Frankly I can’t get rid of my money quickly enough,” one student commented, in between living off scraps, fashioning an outfit from rags and contracting pneumonia. “Accommodation costs barely scratch the surface of my huge personal wealth, so I welcome the news that students may soon be accruing debt in excess of £30,000 over their time at uni.”
In response to the news, NUS President Aaron Porter told us exclusively:
“Lord Browne’s dream to embark on the road to a market in fees would be a nightmare for students and their families. The Government must reject an unpopular and regressive lifting of the fee cap.”
“Top-up fees were tripled four years ago and the public will not tolerate a further hike. Fortunately a great many politicians have pledged to oppose higher fees and we will hold them to their promise to prevent the emergence of a damaging and destructive market in fees that would entrench privilege and benefit a narrow elite.”
“Our own evidence shows that nearly three quarters of students would have to reconsider their plans if fees were doubled to £7,000 and universities were allowed to saddle students with even higher levels of debt.”
However, his is surely a voice in the wilderness and unrepresentative of students’ views, whom he has nothing to do with (why is the President of the National Union of Squirrels bothered about tuition fees?). After all, who doesn’t enjoy the company of a pack of blood hungry bailiffs?